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August 29 2017

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all i want is for someone to tell me nihilistic sweet nothings like mr. peanutbutter







 rnoachi replied to your link “Handbook for Mortals’ Pulled From ‘New York Times’ YA Best-seller…”

What’s going on omfg

LMAOOO. All right Ima try and explain this succinctly as possible. Basically this random-ass ‘young adult’ book, ‘Handbook for Mortals,’ hit the NYT Bestseller List on the #1 Spot for the Hardcover Young Adult Category this morning. Only problem is that literally NO ONE had ever heard of this book before, like nada marketing, publicity, etc. Zilch. It was supposedly published by a company, GeekNation who only announced their publishing arm back in July. 

To hit the Bestseller list, the book would have had to sold at least 5,000~ copies within the first week, but a few people were quick to point out a major discrepancy where the book was literally out of stock everywhere in all major retailers, like legit you couldn’t find it on B&N, Amazon, and so on.  

YA Twitter basically crowd-sourced an investigation where a few anonymous booksellers revealed that they had gotten calls first asking if they were NYT-reporting bookstores, and then received bulk orders of the book but not caring when the books arrived. Soooo essentially what happened was that this book scammed it’s way on to the top of the NYT Bestseller List by figuring out which bookstores reported sales to the NYT (to determine what hits the bestsellers list, the NYT’s methodology takes a sample from various bookstores, and this supposedly changes every week). They then ordered thousands of copies of the book from those stores and only those stores - and by doing so, this was all a scheme in the hopes of driving the book to the top of the bestseller list. 

The main impetus for hitting the bestseller list was for getting a better chance to have a movie adaptation of the book made with a label like ‘#1 NYT Bestselling Book!’ which would have made it more appealing to potential investors. Butttt all of this was discovered and the NYT sent out a revision where they removed the book on the list a few hours ago. 

Someone also compared an excerpt of the book to an excerpt from ‘My Immortal,’ so now there’s a conspiracy theory that the author, Lani Sarem, is actually the author behind that fanfic. She’s also a former music manager who worked with bands like Blues Traveler, and the official Blues Traveler account weighed in and claimed that she was fired for ‘pulling these kind of stunts.’ 

And IN ADDITION to all this craziness, you had the bizarre emergence of random early-2000s celebrities linked to all of this - Lani is apparently JC Chasez’s (from N Sync) cousin who promoted the book on his twitter, and the co-founder of GeekNation (the publishing company behind this book) is Clare Kramer, who portrayed Glory on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and actor Thomas Ian Nicholas (American Pie, Rookie of the Year) was allegedly involved and planning to star in an eventual movie adaptation.

So, yeah that’s what happened in the last 12 hours of YA Twitter lol. 

This is the wildest thing and I love every minute of it.

#also let me be super fuckin real with you here #if we discover that ‘my immortal’ was written by jc chasez’s cousin #i will immediately expire and ASCEND TO A HIGHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE (via @actualvampireang)

This doesn’t even cover half the craziness. Some of my other favorite parts:

- The cover wasn’t even revealed until the beginning of August

- The ONLY chatter on Twitter before this was a little blog tour they’d put together, but nothing else

- The distribution company behind this is the same people who distributed Milo Yadablahblah

- Whoever was behind this knew August was the best time to push a book onto the list (as opposed to September, which is bananas)

- Whoever was behind this knew the EXACTLY how many books to order form each store (the number that alerts NYT to start giving you a hard time is like 80 books at indies, so they went around and ordered 79 each.)

- But they were dumb enough to wildly over-order (they ordered over 18,000, over double what it would’ve taken)

- Also dumb enough to straight-up tell the booksellers “This is for an event but it’s okay if it doesn’t arrive”

- The book only has ONE blurb. One. 

- No trade reviews. No blurbs from other authors within the community

- The ONE blurb is from an “international bestselling author”

- No. She’s a self-pub romance author who’s besties with LS

- You find all that out in the foreword (who puts a foreword on a YA novel???)

- Also the main character is 25 and there isn’t a single teen in this supposed YA novel

- Also also the cover may have been plagiarized

- Also also also the book knocked The Hate U Give to #2 and Everything, Everything off the list entirely, so people were maaaaaaaad

- And finally, when confronted with all this, the author tried to pull a “#KeepYAKind uwu” in her response to PW.


I’m getting a lot of this new stuff from Kayleigh Donaldson over at Punjabi.com, which was the first site to really pay attention to what was going down, and she’s kept at it even after the list was fixed.

- The cover was almost definitely plagiarized

- Carrot Top has weighed in. Yes, that Carrot Top.

- As has Jasper from Twilight (y’all idek anymore)

- The various song lyrics quoted in the book were likely used without proper clearance as well (she’s cousin to an N*SYNC member, girl you should know better)

- Even TIME has started covering this, you guys




I can’t sing along to Mr. Sandman without singing “man me a sand” and I hate this website

this implies that you listen to mr. sandman at any point outside of memes

It’s an absolute banger of a song, don’t hate

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Chrys Watches Got [x] / requests for individuals [x]

I need to talk about N7s


because my brain has been whirring since I read this reddit post, and I have some thoughts I need to blab about

((spoilers for the MEA prologue))

OP on Reddit essentially says that watching Alec Ryder in action puts Shepard’s capabilities as a soldier into greater context within the ME universe, and I’m kind of buzzing at this realization. I’m paraphrasing here, but when you play as Scott or Sara in the prologue, you’re running around trying to find your team, trying not to get killed by a new mysterious alien race, trying not to fall off cliffs or get struck by lightening, trying to figure out this weird technology, doing your best to stay alive while figuring out what’s going on. you’re young, you’re doing your best, you were trained for exploration and less so high-risk missions, but you’re doing your best with the skills you have.

then you meet up with Cora, and follow Alec’s NavPoint – noticing the trail of dead kett bodies along the way, your dad’s been busy – and meet up with him, only to find that not only has he found the kett’s stronghold, but he has an idea how to get them all out of here.

“the weather is the problem, so we’re fixing the weather,” says Alec Ryder.

“…what the fuck?” says everyone else.

but Ryder Sr. doesn’t answer; he goes blazing down the path up into the base, vaulting over barriers, yelling at you to keep up while you struggle to pick off the kett that’ve turned their attention toward you.

OP says basically, this must be what Shepard’s companions felt… probably at like any given time. especially all those times when Shepard comes up with some wild idea to fix an impossible problem. (”let’s summon the mother of all thresher maws to take down that Reaper!” “I’ll run around on foot with a targeting laser to distract the reaper while your men take it out!” “guys, keep an eye on me while I hook my brain up to the geth server!” “Liara, take out the yahg while I punch it in the face!”) playing as Shepard in the OT, these ideas make sense to us. we never question it because we’re in Shepard’s shoes and Shepard’s convinced it’s the only way to solve the problem.

the MEA prologue shows us what happens when the plan has consequences: Alec’s helmet survives intact – N7 gear, I imagine – but Ryder’s standard-issue initiative helmet doesn’t. Alec sacrifices himself to save his kid because their gear is broken. Shepard travels the length of the Normandy Sr-1 and dies saving the ship’s pilot because he can’t walk to the exit himself in time.

so it feels bittersweet to be playing Ryder Jr., not just because you just watched your dad die when he could have lived – it’s like playing Joker immediately after the SR-1’s destruction. we literally play the character who’s been passed the torch from an N7, on a narrative scale (Alec) and a metaphorical scale (Shepard). Shepard and Alec Ryder were by far the more valued soldiers than Joker or Scott or Sara – they do impossible things, they’re the Alliance/the Council’s last lines of defense, but in the heat of the moment, they will always be the last one on the evac shuttle after making sure everyone is safe, and they save a crewmember’s life at the cost of their own.

and it’s not just them; Anderson fights tooth and nail to get him and Shepard through the Reapers to the Normandy in the ME3 prologue, and then you find out he did it just for Shepard, because Shepard’s been locked up for six months and might be out of practice in a fight, and he’s not coming with. he’s going to stay and fight the Reapers on Earth where he know he’ll most likely die.

of the main N7 graduates we know (Shepard, Alec Ryder, David Anderson, Kai Leng), three are protagonists and Leng is the only villain, dishonorably discharged for murdering a krogan without cause while on leave (interestingly, the same year he graduated the ICT, in 2176). Alec Ryder was also dishonorably discharged for his experimentation on AIs, yet he still continues to wear the N7 and Leng doesn’t. I have two theories: either the N7 is a rank you earned and get to wear no matter your status in the Alliance (meaning Ryder is still allowed to wear it post-discharge and Leng just chooses not to, or Leng’s offense was bad enough to strip him of the rank and Alec’s wasn’t), or, once you’re expelled from the Alliance, you lose the ability to wear your former rank along with your title, and Ryder wears it in MEA because he’s still proud of being an N7 and there is no Alliance in Andromeda to get in trouble with. either way, there’s something powerful about the N7 symbol that compels Alec to carry it across with him all the way to another galaxy. as far as we know, he’s the only N7 who came to Andromeda, and apparently he’s going to be the last.

I’ve always found it interesting that Anderson, also an ICT graduate, doesn’t wear the rank even as an Admiral in the field in ME3. and Shepard wears it everywhere. I take this to mean you’re allowed to wear it, but you don’t have to; I also take it to mean being an N7 is not just important to Shepard, it’s how they want others to see them when they walk into a room. personally I’d wager it means more to Shepard than being a Spectre. after all, Shepard’s experiences with Spectres have been largely corrupt: within two years, they took down two compromised Spectres (Saren and Tela Vasir, tho Saren was indoctrinated so it wasn’t exactly his fault), more than most agents in a lifetime. I like to hope post-war, Shepard establishes a better relationship with other Spectres like Jondum Bau, though, because clearly they can’t all be corrupt – but my point is that I think Shepard sees Spectrehood as a representation of one’s ability to get a job done, any job, and N7 as a representation of capability and adaptability, and of moral integrity. whatever they teach you at the Villa, it teaches you to value life other than your own; it sticks with you for the rest of your career. if you’re a corrupt N7, the Alliance will boot you, and you may have won the badge, but you don’t get to call yourself an Alliance soldier anymore. if you’re a corrupt Spectre, the Council will make turn a blind eye and whisper to another Spectre to clean up the mess.

we don’t actually know the specifics of what ICT training consists of – I’ve read the wiki and tons of theories just out of curiosity to get a better context for Shepard’s background, but I have a feeling the Alliance keeps it under wraps specifically so initiates can’t prepare for it. still, it makes me wonder now after meeting Alec and analyzing this through the lens of Shepard’s history. we’ll never know what happens at the Villa, but those levels of training must be one hell of a thing. I once read on a tumblr post someone said “Shepard may not have a formal education, but they went to school.”

so knowing all this, maybe it’s no wonder former Alliance NPCs will get mad if Ryder Jr. wears N7 armor around Andromeda. Ryder didn’t earn it.

August 28 2017

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lol this is perfect


tonight in vermont news:

  • the police department in our state capital was called because a skunk was wandering down main street with its head stuck in a yogurt cup
  • not wanting to risk getting sprayed, and unsure of how to remove a skunk from a yogurt cup anyway, the police googled “how to get a skunk’s head out of a yogurt cup”
  • this led them to an article, published by Arizona police in 2015, titled How to Take a Yogurt Cup Off a Skunk’s Head Without Getting Sprayed
  • using the method outlined in that article, vermont police safely caught the skunk, removed the yogurt cup, and sent the animal on its way
  • they did this without anybody getting sprayed in the process
  • “and then we recycled the cup,” vermont police wrote on their department’s facebook page, “so a win all around.”

In This House We Never Lost Faith In Sansa Stark And Knew She Was Playing Littlefinger Like A Motherfucking Fiddle

don’t 👏 tag 👏 jon 👏 snow 👏 posts 👏 with 👏 aegon 👏 targaryen 👏 ned’s 👏 severed👏 head 👏 is 👏 twisting 👏 on 👏 its 👏 spike




do me a favor and unfollow me if you feel this way


band: sings about being in love
me: can’t relate
florence + the machine: sings about being a big tall tree and watching as the world ends and becoming an omnipresent goddess who lives in the woods with her dryad brethren
me, with tears in my eyes: me too florence me too

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Oh, America, where you have all the freedom you could ever want to die penniless in a gutter. 

America, where people argue without a hint of irony that their employer’s right to exploit them trumps their own right to things necessary for survival

“I may not like your exploitation of my labor but I will die for your right to own three houses while I live check to check” - Voltaire, probably

#uhhh that’s loitering #u can’t be in that gutter

August 27 2017

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i don’t know what i expected the “dr. bronner” of dr. bronner’s soaps to look like but this seems about right to me

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Reblog if you support Kesha dismembering men and eating them

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